


What’s It Like To Be Normal?

by Wolfcry22



Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [25]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Poe Dameron/Finn, Finn Loves Poe Dameron, Fluff and Angst, Gay Poe Dameron, Hurt Poe Dameron, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Poe Dameron Has Issues, Poe Dameron Has PTSD, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe Dameron/Finn Fluff, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Finn (Star Wars), Resistance, The Resistance Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28686813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: Poe asks Finn "I wonder what it's like to be normal."
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605424
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	What’s It Like To Be Normal?

**Author's Note:**

> I know I haven’t added to this series lately, but I want to try writing more regularly for this verse. I’ve had a lot going on lately and it’s hindered my writing. On the bright side I’ve gotten a ton of inspiration lately and I have come up with a lot more prompts so now I just have to write them out. 
> 
> This story will be a little lighter than usual while still addressing a common fear that those with PTSD can experience of whether or not they will ever go back to feeling how they did before their traumatic event(s), especially if that event occurs in adulthood. The idea that they may never be the person they were before can be overwhelming and daunting, and helps if someone else is there to walk the person through certain emotions that are tied to that realization.
> 
> Everyone with PTSD is different and this is just one experience. Warning for potentially triggering themes so please be aware when reading. I hope you all enjoy!

Poe and Finn laid together with Poe's head rested on Finn's chest. Finn played with Poe's curly hair with his eyes fixed on the handsome Resistance General on top of him. He couldn't help but crane his neck forward and plant a kiss on the top of Poe's head. He could smell the sweet scent of Poe's shampoo with the mixture of body wash that he used just a half an hour earlier before bed. Finn leaned back as he felt Poe almost rub his head against Finn's bare chest as he breathed in deeply.

Finn was just about to drift off when he heard Poe's soft voice. "Finn, can I ask you something?"

"Anything," reassured Finn even though he was starting to feel the first pangs of exhaustion seem to surge through him. 

Poe blinked his eyes as if debating whether or not to ask the question even after receiving the go ahead from Finn. He eventually decided that he had nothing to lose. "What is it like to be normal?" 

"What," Finn asked as he gave his head a slight shake. If he was tired before, Poe asking that question joked him awake suddenly.

Poe instantly thought he made the wrong decision. However, he couldn't take it back now. "What is it like to be normal? I don't remember what it's like not to feel the way that I feel now," he croaked. 

"Poe—“

"I just don't know anymore. I've felt like this for so long and I think I'd be startled if I woke up tomorrow and all this was gone. What's it to wake up without nightmares or not have a flashback when someone drops a wrench? Is it normal to have this many negative thoughts? Should I want to disappear? Or live in constant pain when the thoughts take over? What is normal to everyone else because this is my new normal?”

Poe was rambling without almost no sign in sight. Finn struggled to follow what Poe was saying and he couldn't help but shake his head while he tried to keep up. When Poe spoke, Finn could feel worry rising up inside of him. These were difficult questions that he didn't have an answer to. He had been working through this with Poe and it was alarming to see that this was what Poe really thought. He didn't want Poe to lie to him, but Finn doubted he would be able to make much sense of this. He could just stay close to Poe and talk through this with him. That was all that he could do. 

"Those are things you'll have to look back on and answer for yourself," Finn instructed as he sighed heavily. "Once you feel better, that is." 

Poe sighed gravely. "I'm not sure that I ever will," he confessed.

Finn couldn't handle it. He sat up and Poe instantly fell from his chest. He scrambled to sit up while Finn faced him, his gaze almost boring into him. "Look at me, Poe and listen carefully to everything that I'm about to tell you. Are you listening?"

Fear flickered in Poe's gaze as he nodded slowly. "Y-Yes," he stammered in alarm.

"Good. Now, listen to me. There is nothing wrong with you. You aren't broken, nor are you a screw up. You are struggling and that is all. It doesn't make me love you any less. You're still my strong, brave, and wonderful boyfriend. This hasn't changed anything. You have nightmares, so what? I do too sometimes. Everyone does. You have panic attacks, and? We all do sometimes, especially after everything that has happened. That hasn't changed anything. This hasn't changed anything. Besides, everyone that you deem as ‘normal’ has turned their backs on you. What's so good about being normal anyway?" 

Finn wasn't quite sure if that had gotten through to Poe or not. Poe had looked at him the entire time, but now it seemed that Poe was looking through him. Finn longed to do more. He wanted to make Poe believe what he was saying, but he knew that there wasn't a way for him to do so other than to verbally tell him while physically reassuring him. They had been through a lot, more than most people in their brief relationship, but that had only made them stronger. They fought for each other everyday and Finn wasn’t about to give up on Poe now, even when things became alarmingly obvious that Poe was struggling more than usual. 

Poe finally looked to Finn. "Don't you wish I was normal?" 

"I wish that you felt like you again. I long for the day when you no longer struggle like you are now. Do I wish you were 'normal', no I don't think that I do." He stretched out his hand and clutched Poe's, giving it a tight and reassuring squeeze. "I think that you're perfect just how you are. Is it going to be a struggle still, yes, but it doesn't mean that I don't want to be in this fight for you. I will always fight for you. I just need you to fight for you." 

A look, a fire, showed in Poe's gaze. He looked up to Finn and nodded firmly. "I-I can fight."

"I know that you can." Finn lifted a fist and gingerly punched Poe's shoulder. "You showed that fight from day one when I first saw you. Who else would've stood up to Kylo Ren like that? No one that I knew nor have I ever known. I mean, besides Rey."

Poe laughed. "You could've went for her," he pointed out. 

"Nah," answered Finn with a shrug. "You know that I don't swing that way. I've only ever had eyes for you, my badass pilot."  
  
Poe wasn't one to blush easily, but that got him. He looked down as a smile showed on his face. Finn lowered his head to press his forehead against Poe's. "Does that answer your question?”

"I think so," answered Poe. "But, I think that I would still like to be normal again soon."

Finn slightly pulled back before nodding slowly. "Then that's what we will work toward. It won't happen overnight, but with the support group and Dr. Firn's help I'm sure that we will get there. Maybe not completely how you were before but coping better could be a good way to look at it, I think.”

"You've helped too," pointed out Poe quickly. "I couldn't have done any of this without you.”

"I'm not so sure about that." Honestly Finn wasn't sure if Poe could've. Everyone that he thought had cared about him had turned their backs on him almost immediately. It had taken him a while to get over that. Finn wasn't sure if Poe would've been okay if he wasn't there to pick up the pieces. However, he wasn't about to tell Poe that. Best to let Poe think that he was coming up with most of this on his own. "But, we're a team. We're fighting the same enemy here and it's not you."

Poe tilted his head. "It's not?"

"No, dummy," Finn chided. "We're fighting what's been done to you, not you yourself." He couldn't help but sigh. "Okay, that's a weird concept, I get it, but we're not fighting you. Let's just say that if we keep doing what we're doing, I know that we'll see a light at the end of this. You're already a lot better than you were a couple moons ago, don't you think?" 

Poe paused and thought for a moment. He then nodded slowly. "I think so."

"Just think so? I know for a fact that you're better. You're having less panic attacks and less nightmares, which is a plus," Finn pointed out.

Poe looked down shyly. "That's not true," he argued. 

"Oh really? Well, you went from having multiple nightmares every night to having maybe nightmares four days a week. I'd say that's progress if every I saw any," Finn reassured as he nudged Poe once more. "Same goes for your panic attacks. The number may not be zero, but it's lower than before. That is enough to tell me that things are getting better."

Poe hesitated before nodding once more. "Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right." 

"Be patient. Keep going to the group and talking to Dr. Firn. Tell me when you're feeling overwhelmed or angry. That's all we can do." He then extended his arm and wrapped it around Poe's shoulder. "Now, c'mere. Keep me warm."

Poe giggled as he and Finn laid back on their bed. Finn snuggled closer Poe and buried his face into Poe's hair, giving him a kiss. Poe then tilted his head upward and the two pressed their lips together lightly. Finn felt a burst of affection for Poe, especially because he knew that Poe struggled with showing affection these days. Finn took any sort of affection that Poe would give him with open arms.

As quickly as Poe initiated the kiss, he ended it. He lowered down and rested his head against Finn's chest, like he had earlier in the night when he had first posed that question to Finn. Even though it had been a little heartbreaking to hear it, Finn was still appreciative that Poe felt comfortable enough to ask him and talk about how he was feeling. They were always open with each other and Finn didn't want that to stop now.

It had been hard to hear Poe talk about himself like that, but it wasn't the first time and it probably wouldn't be the last. That was difficult to come to terms with. It was something that he would need to speak to Dr. Firn about, that much he knew. However, Finn would never stop reassuring Poe even if he used all of his breath trying. 

He would convince Poe that he was loved, appreciated, and cherished, no matter what the cost. He loved Poe too much for him to ever feel inadequate again. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was heavy on the fluff, but I think sometimes we could all use a little fluff and Poe and Finn are no exception. I wanted to show that although Poe wanted to feel ‘normal’ again, Finn needed to reassure him that he may not be the person he was before his trauma happened and learning to cope and live the best life he could could be enough. I hope that you guys enjoyed this and are staying safe and healthy!


End file.
